YK and dermatillomania

Today’s romper is from Wray, a NYC based designer. I’d never heard of it before, but once when I was visiting my sister in Brooklyn, I saw it in a shop. It was close to $100 but since I’m addicted to shopping, I bought it anyway. I like it a lot. Today is Yom Kippur and I’m having a hard time getting out of bed and going to Shul. I’ve never liked being in Shul. I don’t connect to God that way. But maybe I should try harder. I also like community, although I don’t know anyone who will be there. I’m in Budapest. My dad went elsewhere. he’s been sick this week and today is the first day he told me he was worried he has Covid. I don’t think he does. Being sick now takes on a whole new meaning. I also want to mention dermatillomania, which is a compulsive skin picking disorder. I’ve had this disorder since I was a teenager. It’s very difficult. Other people don’t understand why we can’t stop picking at our skin. I wish it was that easy. It’s complex. An urge takes over and it feels wrong not to carry it out. I find little bumps and imperfections and if I can “get rid” of them, I feel better. It’s not about pain, it’s about soothing. Unfortunately it creates bleeding and scarring. When I was younger I even had body makeup I’d use to cover up the marks. I had raised keloid scars on my chest that I paid a dermatologist to inject with cortisone. This has been a big deal in my life. As someone who loves fashion, I was often humiliated to wear clothing that exposed my picking. Bathing suits were often the worst. when I took the pictures for today’s post, my arms were pretty marked up. But I no longer care so much. I need to accept that I have dermatillomania and try to recover from it. I have found a 12 step meeting with other sufferers. That might be my only hope. I’m going to go and pray for willingness and for recovery today. Amen.