Today‘s outfit is purple pants and a purple top from APC. I wore it yesterday and thought it looked good and represented me well. Today I woke up feeling the usual anxiety and dread. it felt icky and I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I did a few meditations but i mostly slept through them. Thoughts of all the things I’m behind on crept in. So many anxious thoughts. I went for a walk outside. I moved my car. I messaged a few people. I went on a 12 step meeting. I had a little bit of food. Now it’s 1pm and I have to shower before zoom therapy. I also did a tapping video with Kate Winch. Her website has a lot of free videos that you can tap to. It’s about clearing blocks and saying positive affirmations. I like it and want to keep doing it. today my friend Devon, who is a coach, asked me: what’s the one thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will become easier or unnecessary?
hmm. All I can think of is sleep. But that doesn’t feel like the right approach. my mother thinks I should be back on medication. I don’t like that idea either. Maybe I’d feel happier, but it also creates a host of other problems like brain fog. When I was in ceremony, the shamans didn’t recommend medications at all. Last night in my writing class I worked on a story about the early days of Facebook and also Airbnb. It’s weird now to remember a time before these sites that are so dominant in my daily life. I have an Airbnb guest right now who seems nice enough, but also not entirely comfortable to be around. I wonder why that is. Maybe my energy is off and I just can’t relate to certain people? He’s trying to move. Lots of people are in transition now. It’s just the way things are. today is the spring equinox and I have to trust in god that the spring air will make things lighter and renewed. We don’t need all this heavy thick sludgy energy anymore. I release it and ask god to protect all beings and help us have a new outlook on the world and its infinite knowledge and power. Amen.