Safe at home

I’m home. I’m safe. I’m doing a lot better. It got really scary the last few days. I wasn’t sleeping well, or eating much. I was full of heavy sadness. I felt like I was falling off the deep end and nothing was there to catch me. But I was wrong. Life is obviously full of challenges and hurdles. It’s how we pick ourselves up that matters and that’s what I intend to do. I worried a lot of people this week. I really freaked myself out. I see that I needed to be home after the silent retreat. I didn’t understand what would happen to me after. I didn’t continue my meditation practice. I dove right into life, with other people. and I couldn’t handle it. I could get into all sorts of shame that has come up for me surrounding the last week. But the people who love me understand and will always support me. That’s what love is. I can write this now, after feeling like life had no meaning all week. All the lessons I got from vipassana went right out the window. I simply didn’t care. I just wanted to feel better without working at it. But I went through a lot, and I’m figuring out what I learned and how to move forward. They say it’s never too late. I’m going to try to be gentle with myself and treat myself how a friend would. How my cousin Caroline and auntie Mimi and uncle Eric did. With love and compassion. We all mess up. Yes, I feel I mess up more than others. But luckily everyone is safe. I am safe. And I am going to be ok. thanks for reading.