Questioning

I know I’ve been a little dark lately, but the last few days have been trying to sit with intense emotions. I have some decisions to make. If I want to go back to therapy, or work with a coach, or stay in NY, or leave for a while…it feels overwhelming. And suddenly I have felt scared of driving. I got used to things with my car and at home and here I feel like I’ll make an error and things will go badly. I already returned a perfectly good car because I was worried something was wrong with it. Or maybe I just wanted Diana to drive her car. But I didn’t want to drive and be responsible for something that isn’t mine. that I don’t own. Because when that happens I go into a lot of shame. And Shame is where I seem to be living now. I have a lot of time to think, to sleep, to write, to dream, to cry here. It’s been very healing, but also very hard and sad. I don’t know why I’m attracting this type of energy right now. It might be in preparation for my ayahuasca journey soon. I do feel loved but I also feel a little beaten up. Will spend more time in the sun before I leave on Monday. oh yes, and today’s dress is a green anthropologie that I got second hand. It has little tennis rackets on it.