Hi from Queens. I was in Brooklyn the last 2 days. I took the opportunity to see my sister and her kids. The first evening was stressful. She was sick and the kids obviously needed a lot of attention, and I felt like I was just a burden. I realized this negative thinking was taking me out of the present and I tried really hard to snap out of it. There were some very sweet moments, like when Isaac sat with my in the hammock I got them years ago, while he watched his show on an iPad. A few tears slowed from my eyes. They are moving to New Orleans and I‘m worried about being in the kids’ lives. Change is hard. yesterday I woke up with my now very familiar anxiety. Oh, great, I thought. Here were are again. I moaned and groaned a bit, listened to some meditations, did my new BPD coaching session, and finally got outside. it was a beautiful day which seemed to make me feel worse. Like I can’t even appreciate a nice day now? But then things got a little easier, I ate some supermarket sushi and an ice cream sandwich. it was also the evening of Lag B’omer. It’s a holiday I didn’t really understand, although I did once go to Mount Meron, where many Israelis have bonfires to celebrate. It’s the 33rd day of the counting of the Omer, and a break from the mourning period. I went out in Brooklyn and it was nice to see so many people gathered for a barbecue and music. It got started pretty late and I was there til after 11pm. I talked to some nice people. I’m glad I went and I felt my brightness returning.
today I woke up with the usual doom and gloom, but I’m sitting with it, sharing it and will keep letting it go. I’ll go to yoga later. tomorrow I plan to record another podcast episode with my dad. I have to remind myself that I’m doing ok, even if it doesn’t feel like it.