A few months ago, my dear friend suggested I check out Integral Yoga in Manhattan. It was a little out of the way for me, but so are most places in Manhattan. I end up going into the city from queens nearly every day. It takes me about an hour each day. But I went to Integral and signed up to be a karma yogi, someone who does service. I started meeting wonderful people. i heard about someone named Rudra. I looked him up on Facebook and we knew some people in common. I added him as a friend and he accepted. I didn’t know anything else about him, except that he was in a wheelchair and lived at the Ashram above the yoga studio. I’ve been in emotional pain for a few weeks now and have tried to get more understanding and tolerance around it. I’ve asked people for advice, I’ve meditated and I’ve tried to get out of the dark place of lack and into the happier place of abundance. It doesn’t always work. But yesterday I felt called to talk to Rudra. I went upstairs and chatted with him for a while. I wish I’d recorded what he said because I‘m getting so much information lately that not all of it sticks.
I spent all day on recovery zoom meetings. It was useful but I also feel I need to do a lot more step work and writing to feel better now. I have what I need for the time being. Tomorrow I’m going to a meditation gala in queens. It looks really good. Breathwork and dancing. I want to dress up. I wish I could stop destroying my skin, but I’m not there yet. God‘s time. Who is god? What does god look like to you? Curious.