Hamptons

Today’s dress is a black vintage strapless sequined beauty! The waist is 24 inches and bust 28 so it doesn’t actually fit me. I has to suck in for the picture! Please take if off my hands. I found it in San Francisco and it was wishful thinking that it would fit. I’m silly like that. I found myself thinking of the hamptons today. I love it there. The ocean. The houses. The overpriced everything. Ok, not that so much. But it’s 2 hours away and feels so different. I was last there in January 2021. my parents have friends with houses there, and there’s one in particular with 3 houses in amagansett. My parents took me in December 2020 when I was heartbroken after Tim dumped me. What I didn’t expect was to match with sam so soon after, and start a texting relationship that week. the whole time I was in the Hamptons, I was trying to let go of Tim and start something new with sam. it was total insanity. But that’s me. And that’s BPD. I tried to replace one with the other. And I tried to force my emotions to play along. I convinced myself that it was ok. I refused to deal with my feelings. I wanted sam to be my savior. My hero. My night in shining armor. The one I was always supposed to be with. I felt so good whenever I heard from him. And then I met him in person. Still good! Just a little different than what I had thought. The smoking wasn’t part of my fantasy. But I’m not perfect either. a month later, I really wanted to take sam to the Hampton’s. And I wanted his twin brother and his baby mama to come also. I reached out to the owner of the house(s) and asked her directly if we could go. That wasn’t the right thing to do. she’s my dad’s contact and I should have run it past my dad. A month earlier, she had politely told me that I could come back anytime, but you know how those things work. There’s an etiquette to it. But again, I was insane briyah. Running around, trying to plan my fabulous life. Sam was busy trying to make his real estate career happen. All I cared about was getting away with my new live in boyfriend. We finally got Matt and Rachel to come too, but they arrived on Saturday and stayed one night. We all went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We watched a movie. It was so much fun. One of the best weekends id had. We even saw my friend Marc. A month later, sam and I had broken up and everything looked different, again. I wonder what it’s like to hold onto a relationship. to not constantly worry that it’s going to end. To trust. To move at a slower pace. Because I just don’t know. But I wonder.