Today’s dress is one I made. it has 2 candy prints, one on the front and one on the back. I belted it since it’s a little big. It’s almost one year since I started the blog. I still have some more dresses, but not that many more I guess.
i‘m experiencing a lot of grief right now. My family is going through something hard. And it’s my fault. I broke the rules. I betrayed trust. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t intend to. I thought it wasn’t a big deal. But it was a bigger deal than I could have imagined. I’ve felt unsafe in my own body. I’ve felt suicidal more days than not. I have no plans to harm myself or anyone else, but sometimes I wake up and wish I wasn’t here anymore. And I hate that I’ve given my sister that kind of power. No one should have that power over another person. It’s wrong. I’m learning some painful hard lessons now. I didnt want to learn these. I really didn’t. I was busy enough with all the other shit that gets piled on me from having a mental illness. But here is another huge pile of shit. Just total and utter shit. The only way forward is to go to therapy together.
If anyone asked me to let them back in my life, I would. Except my exes. But if someone really wanted to be around me, id let them. today I went to an exercise class but I couldn’t really focus.