February

I’m ok. I’m better. I’m breathing. I’m working on stuff. I’m going to get into yoga. I’m showing up. I’m getting support. I’m ok. It was a tough week. I felt like I couldn’t keep up. Like I was being tested over and over again. It occurred to me last night that I probably angered the spirit of the ayahuasca. When I came home with new realizations, I wasn‘t responsible. I thought I could just go back into the way I’d been living. But that didn’t work. Only I can show up differently for myself, and for others. It’s been a hard pill to swallow. And now I’m swallowing pills, since going back on medication. But I’m trying to listen to the inner voice. The one who knows and trusts herself. The one I tried to shut out because I didn’t feel protected by her. But she is here and I am going to chill with her more. I’ll take more clothing pics later. I’m going to a birthday party in the city. It seems like every single Jew in their 30s-50s is going. Perhaps I’ll recap that tomorrow if there are any good takeaways. I was going to go hiking today but I was watching Mrs maisel til late and didn’t sleep enough. maybe Monday. My parents are coming over tomorrow for most of the day, I hope. I miss them.