Driving

Today‘s dress is by Carolina Herrara. I bought it second hand. I’m still pretty sad about what’s happened this week but here’s another story. When I was 16, I figured I’d learn to drive. I grew up in Manhattan, where driving isn’t a necessity. But I wanted to learn. I went to driver‘s Ed at a nearby school. I didn’t take it very seriously. I was a busy high schooler with a lot on my mind. One time our driver’s Ed car actually got stolen! That’s NYC for you. Nothing is safe. I decided to take the road test even though I was very unprepared. I failed. A few years went by and I tried again. I failed again. Then I went to college in Boston. I needed an ID so I got myself a new permit. But then I failed 2 more times, once while my cousin was in the car with me. Then I moved to Australia, where the driving laws are different. I couldn’t even get my permit there. The test had so many questions. When I moved to San Francisco I decided to try again. I was almost 30 and was definitely feeling embarrassed about not having a license. I took a few lessons and also asked cute guys with cars if they’d help me practice. I befriended a Lyft driver who would take me to Oakland and let me drive the car a bit. I felt ready, but still very anxious. I failed the test again, this time in Daly City, just outside SF. But I knew I could pass if I tried again. I booked the test for 2 weeks later. When the woman at the DMV told me I’d passed, I couldn’t believe it. It would be another 2 years before I would drive again. When I moved in with my ex-boyfriend, he had gotten himself a convertible. He suggested I get a pickup truck. That way, I wouldn‘t be as scared of other cars. We also loved garage and estate sales, and we’d be able to pickup lots of items with the truck. he found a white 1994 Chevy on Craigslist and I got it. At first it seemed ok. It was very big and I’m pretty small, but it was fun to drive again. I didn’t take it too far. I mainly used it for errands nearby. But then when my sister was visiting, I backed up into a parked car. It was stressful. The driver wasn’t there, but I left a note. Then it happened again, while I was moving out of my ex’s house. As if life wasn’t stressful enough. I had no place to put the car when we broke up. I sold it to him. I moved back to NYC and had no reason to drive. When another ex and I rented a car to drive to my family’s beach house, he asked if I wanted to drive a little. It has been years, but I figured I’d remember. But in the drivers seat I froze, and the look on his face made me feel even worse. There was no way he’d let me drive again. My confidence was low. the next boyfriend was a few months later. He leased a Toyota SUV, another huge car. I figured it would be my car too, although I could see that wasn’t the best idea. But then we broke up also. I began to feel I needed to continue this journey on my own. I had a bit of money and knew I could do it. I asked around about used cars. I did some research online. I prayed and manifested. I saw a purple BMW in my neighborhood last April and took a picture of it. I posted on Facebook, “my new car!” In June I was on Facebook marketplace and a 2005 purple PT cruiser appeared. It was in Coney Island and had 55,000 miles. And it was in my budget too. I had a strong feeling this was my car. But I was scared! I’d never done anything like this on my own. I needed help, didn’t I? But no one was available to go with me. A few people told me it was a bad car to get. That it would have lots of issues. But I went with my gut. I took the N train all the way to the edge of Brooklyn and drove the PT Cruiser back home. That was 7 months ago. I’ve driven it a lot since then. It’s been very good to me. Now that it’s winter, I’m not driving as much, but I like to see it parked right outside my building, knowing it’a there when I need it. I love the color. It’s gotten scratched a few times, but it’s so beautiful. It looks vintage, which matches well with my personal style. Thank you, my PT Cruiser. For making me a driver again.