Dole Bludger

Today‘s outfit is a Michael stars top and a skirt which is a collar between Australian designer “romance was born“ and “sportsgirl.” I love the shades of pink and the skirt looks like a ballerina skirt. The shoes are from puerto Rico. I’ve taken advantage of unemployment a few times. Because of my personality disorder, I get fired a lot. This feels bad, but the upside is getting on unemployment and being able to breathe for a bit. The first time I was on unemployment was in Sydney. Because of my dual citizenship, I didn’t have any legal issues living and working there, or collecting unemployment. In australia, it’s referred to as the dole. A person collecting government benefits is called a dole (pronounced doll) bludger. Gotta love aussies and their slang. It’s basically a right of passage to be a dole bludger. Many students take advantage of it. I was in my mid 20s. I had been let go from yet another job. I applied at centrelink and it was accepted. A few weeks later, i received notice that i was so be matched with an employment specialist. This person wasn’t of much use to me, but he was a nice guy. I tried to be his pal. I just wasn’t employable. My resume was a sea of misfires. I’d been a journalist, then in retail, sales, customer service, and it went on. But i met with him every few weeks to update him on my progress (or as aussies say, pro-gress). Then i got a letter saying i had to report in person for a career workshop. I groaned. Another waste of time. I went to the office in Marrickville and looked around the room. A bunch of losers, i thought. Mostly older people. I didn’t feel like i fit in at all. I was young and cool. Albeit unemployed. Then my eyes met another guy’s gaze. He looked around my age.

“Hi, I’m Paul,” he said in a classic Stayan accent.

Having gone to a performing arts school in manhattan, my gaydar is pretty accurate. I knew Paul was gay. I had not found a gay best friend yet in Sydney. After the class, Paul invited me to Bondi Beach. He had a car, which was a bonus. I relied on public transit to get everywhere and it often took a long time from my home in sydney’s inner west suburb of newtown. We made a good team. We both loved arts events. I often had free tickets to shows, because of the connections I’d made at my previous job as an arts reporter. We loved the beach. We loved food. For months, we would meet at our local pub for $10 steak night. Paul lived very close to me. I could walk there. He had a studio apartment. I had a flatmate.

While on the dole, I realized I could find a cash job, since I didn’t have to report that income. I began working at a clothing store, also in the area. I was the sole employee during my shift. I’d blast Abba and wait for customers, while seated comfortably behind a desk. It was ideal. I’m not sure if i was fired from that job or not. The business seemed to be struggling and i was let go. So probably i was fired, but i cant remember why. I know my folding abilities are strong. After that I decided to travel. As long as i stayed in the country, i could continue to be a dole bludger. Leave the country, and it would be interrupted. I began traveling all over the country. I went to the outback, i visited adelaide in south australia, hobart in tasmania and trips to melbourne to see my relatives. Sometimes my employment advisor called and i was very discreet about my whereabouts. It occurs to me that i should maybe feel guilty about this. It’s true i wasn’t actively seeking a job. And i have paid for it dearly, because i haven’t held a job consistently since then either. I’m not even sure how I’d have the time for a job. I have 3 therapists, a coach and belong to 3 12 step meetings. That is my job now. But i do need to get paid again. A person needs to feel valued for their contributions and time. I know that very well. I try to respect others’ time. It’s hard to know how much someone is worth for their services. Is it the number of degrees they hold? Their reputation? Their reviews on yelp? Word of mouth? For me, it’s the difference they make in my life and their ability to encourage change in me. I am always trying to learn and make better choices. I have been a dole bludger a few times since then. The most recent time was during the pandemic, when much to my surprise, i was awarded unemployment for 18 months when TV production shut down and there was no more work as an extra. It definitely felt like free money that i didnt deserve. I still sometimes scratch my head at how that happened. I earned more on unemployment than i ever made working as an extra. It didn’t encourage me to look for work. But i had to keep myself busy. I taught myself to sew, and i made masks and a few dresses. I’m also on food stamps, or EBT. I get about $200 a month which i can use on any food or beverage except alcohol. I could spent it all on Ben and Jerry’s. I currently have about $500 in that account. Do I deserve it? I’m not sure. I often think about my situation and wonder if it’s fair, or what fair even means. There are billionaires out there that have many houses. Do they deserve that, because they are good with numbers, or technology? I have a creative brain, which hasn’t yielded a lot of money, as of yet. i feel blessed to have access to these benefits, as well as therapy that is covered by medicaid. It allows me to feel easier about my expenses and to focus on doing what i love, which is creating. One day I’ll no longer be on benefits, and I’ll smile and say thank you for all i have received. but I guess I’ll cut back on expensive cheese.