Today’s dress is Maeve from Anthropologie. I think I got it in SF. I like the colors a lot.
yesterday I went to the Bronx for the 3rd time to get my car worked on. Nothing serious, but it needed some stuff. Then the Mechanic told me something had broken and they needed to keep it another day. They gave me a loaner car and I decided to go to city island, a little oasis in the Bronx with a lot of great seafood. I’d been twice before, once with my ex Tim and once with my ex Sam. I still think about them both quite a bit. It’s hard not to, I guess. They both meant a lot to me and it’s painful to lose people in my life, although it happens frequently. I guess it’s a part of having BPD. The nice thing is that this time I was able to drive myself to city island and that felt like a special moment. I went to Johnny’s reef for some clams and a pina colada. I tried to breathe in the ocean air. a friend told me last night that I’ve been complaining a lot. I had to think about that. Why am I complaining? I do have a lot to be grateful for. I think it’s disappointment in myself and in others, and the feeling that I won’t be looked out for and considered. It’s hard to get rid of that feeling. I do want to work on it though. My mind races a lot and I feel so much anxiety. Last night I took a nap because I was so exhausted. But then I couldn’t fall asleep until 4am. I booked my accommodation in Madrid for 2 weeks from now. I booked flights to Florida for the end of October. God, please show me the way. I need help.
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