Today’s dress is what I refer to as my Chanukah dress. Some years ago I saw a writer I admire post an article about wearing the Chanukah dress for all her online dating pics. She started getting funny replies and included those too. All I knew was that I really liked the dress. I went online and was able to find one. Apparently they make an overalls version too. this year I will be with my aunt and her family for the first night. Tomorrow I’ll drive back home.
chanukah was always a nice holiday. Growing up, my mother would give us little presents each night. She was creative with her gifts. I’ve never been very good at giving gifts. I always want to make sure it’s something the person wants or has use for. We all end up with so many things we don’t need. My ex boyfriend got many gifts from his sister that he didn’t want, but then he’d feel bad about giving it away. He even had 2 very fancy watches from them! I don’t want or need anything. I was hoping to replace my Chanel sunglasses that disappeared into the ocean, but I have other sunglasses. Getting rid of things is the goal now. Letting go is always the goal. Tomorrow I’ll visit my cousin’s building in Lowell, where my grandpa grew up. He’s going to show me where they used to live, and some other places.
yesterday I went to visit more relatives. It’s a side of my family I don’t know very well, although there are many more cousins my age on that side. And they’re great people. I wish I’d grown up with them, but it wasn’t up to me. It’s sort of sad how these things get determined and it’s hard to break the patterns. It happened on my mother’s side also. My grandmother stopped talking to any of her brothers. so I had to seek them out myself. For a few years i thought I’d made progress, but now it’s back to how it was. last night it was very nice to see my auntie Marilyn. She’s 88 and was my grandpa‘s younger sister. We looked at old family photos and talked about our shared love of singing. She’s a great person and I plan to call her regularly.
it still surprises me how we are born into a family and then that’s it. What happens next is anyone‘s guess. People come, people go, they change names, get new families, have kids. For someone who doesn’t like surprises, life keeps on dishing them out. it’s great when they’re fun and exciting, but I could use a break from the hard ones for a little while anyway.
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