Late

I missed my Monday blog post yesterday. I forgot. Yesterday was a busy day of zoom meetings. one of them was the Embodied Jewish Wisdom Network (EJWN). We meditated, breathed, sang, and shared in small groups where we are on our journey. It was really nice. I then had a few recovery meetings. then I headed to a cardio boot camp class at a gym I hadn't been to before. I took my scooter and was racing over when I ran over some glass. Next thing I knew, I had a flat tire. It was really scary actually. I’m glad I’m ok. i woke up today feeling bad. I have to go to the dentist and to the scooter repair shop. I just don’t feel like doing much today. But being an adult just doesn’t stop. My mother called from Israel to say hi. she was excited about what she’s been doing there, with my dad‘s European fellowship group. I wanted to feel happy for her but I just couldn’t come up with that. She quickly got off the phone with me. I felt rejected. Then I noticed her sister, my aunt had written me a very upsetting message. I had asked to see pictures of my young cousins. I don’t have anything to do with my aunt‘s two children anymore. We drifted apart. But I just wanted to see a picture. I was told no. I used to have a reputation for posting other people‘s pictures on social media, but I haven’t done that in years. And even so, she could have asked me not to. But all she said was that she couldn’t send me anything and it was out of her hands. that makes me really sad. And it makes me angry at my mother, which I suppose isn’t fair. But her family is the most screwed up of all. I really feel embarrassed to be a part of it. I’m only just learning that I don’t need to be involved with family if I don’t want to be. I used to think that you always stuck with family because that’s the most important thing in life. But it’s not true. Most family is toxic and it’s better to get out while you can. So I’m out for now. I definitely don’t need that. I tried to be nice and stay connected and was rejected again. I don’t want to sound sorry for myself, but I wish people could see how this affects someone with BPD. I really do.