40 flirty and thriving

Today’s dress is by Bec and Bridge. It’s a cute overall skirt situation and I put a fitted striped tee underneath. I like it a lot! I got the dress at a sample sale in Sydney. I remember that day pretty well actually. I was working at a newspaper and it turned out it was right in the middle of a bunch of fashion designer main offices. I also lived a few blocks away, and I had access to a private Rooftop pool nearby. I was pretty much living my best life for a while. I had a nice boyfriend and I had tickets to every major event in town, through work. I went to the Sydney opera house a lot. I lived in a house with 5 roommates and we had a lot of fun. One roommate and I have been in touch a lot throughout the pandemic. She’s about to be 40. I realized I know a lot of women who just turned 40. I still have about 20 months to go, and it’s not like I’m just waiting to turn 40 and things will magically fall into place, but I also feel like 40 might be my year too. It’s just interesting to watch as people’s lives progress in different ways. There are so many highs and lows. I feel like I scroll through Instagram and it’s tons of self help and coaching and memes and mental health and self care. And it’s all great and helpful but sometimes I want to scream and shut it all out. It’s so much info! Can’t wait all just trust that god has our backs and things will work out in one way or another? I haven’t been writing much about my personal life lately. I don’t exactly know who reads this blog, although I do get alerts on my phone when someone visits it. I see where the reader is from. Usually it‘s a town in NJ where my cousin lives, and I know I have to post if I haven’t already! I want to get back in the habit of writing the night before and having it post while I’m still sleeping. That’s the best way I think. but yeah, I have a date on Tuesday. I can’t tell how I feel about it or what this guy‘s deal is. We’ve been texting for over 3 weeks now and I was getting frustrated and had given up on him. But he persisted and I finally told him, you gotta just ask me out. So he did. But is the fact that I had to tell him that a bad sign? Maybe he doesn‘t know much about dating? I really have no clue. I should stop speculating. I will go into it with an open mind and try hard not to overshare (but I probably will). He has a dog and I already told him that dogs aren’t my favorite. I think he’s pretty obsessed with his dog. I’m gonna try to be open to that too. But I don’t want to force myself to be comfortable if I’m not. I just want to see how it goes and then go from there. Because I just don‘t know! Nothing I’ve tried has worked! I saw my last ex a few weeks ago and it was nice and I miss him sometimes, but I don’t want to be messaging him anymore. It’s not good for me, and I need to move on. I wish I could dislike him, but I don’t. I think the reason we got together was from a trauma bond. We both wanted to “save” the other while healing our own childhood wounds. When I met his older sister, i realized she was a lot like me. So maybe we were trying to heal a sibling relationship? i‘m still close to his sister in law and am in touch with her pretty much every day. I don’t want to give up that friendship. i didn‘t mean for this to be a therapy session, but there it is. navigating life and love, every day. I saw on Facebook that I couple I sort of know, had their second pandemic baby. Jeez. They’ve been creating multiple humans and I’m still stuck on my ex! But life can change quickly. I’ll just have to wait til I turn 40. cool.